THE HELICOPTER STORY
By Licia Ginne, LMFT
Imagine that you are in an airplane and you do not know how to
swim. Normally, when a person purchases a plane ticket, the
agent does not say, “Excuse me, do you know how to swim?”
It is not even an issue. However, imagine that the plane crashes
into the water, you are the only survivor, and the only way
to have to stay afloat is by holding onto a life preserver.
Due to the change in circumstances, not being able to swim
suddenly becomes a very
important issue. You realize that if someone does not come
to rescue you fairly quickly, you will either drown or die
of hypothermia. You scan the skies, hoping and praying someone
will come by that can help you.
All of a sudden, you notice a helicopter flying overhead. You
wave your hands, and the people from the helicopter indicate
that they have seen you. You breathe a sign of relief and eagerly
await their arrival. The people come down from the helicopter
and come to you and say, “ We’re here to rescue you!” You
say, “I’m so happy you are here. I was afraid I was
going to die.” The people then say, “ The way we
are going to rescue you is by taking away your life preserver.” You
look at them with a puzzled expression and say, “No, wait
a minute, you don’t understand! I don’t know how
to swim!” The reply is “Well, we’re sorry but
the only way we know how to rescue people is by taking away their
life preserver,” which means you have a very difficult
decision to make. So you say, “Please wait a minute while
I think about what I want to do.” You are floating there
in the freezing water, thinking, “This feels like a lose-lose
situation to me. If I give up my life preserver, I don’t
know if these people will really help me or if they will leave
me to drown. If I don’t give up my life preserver, I don’t
know if someone else will come by before I die of the cold.” The
people from the helicopter become impatient and say, “Look,
we’re tired of waiting for you to make up your mind, so
we’re just going to take this life preserver away from
you,” and they grab onto it. You instinctively say, “No
you’re not!” and pull back, and a power struggle
ensues. Surprised by your response, the people from the helicopter
then say, “Okay, okay. There is one other possibility.
If you look behind you, there is a lifeboat that you can take
to safety.” Given that most people are not trusting enough
of strangers, even those who appear to be helpful strangers,
to give up their life preserver right away, you think this through
carefully, then reply, “That sounds like a good idea, but
I’m going to take this life preserver with me. If the lifeboat
sinks, I want to be sure I can still survive.
Change is frightening for all of us and for those who have come
from families where trust was compromised it is even harder.
Often we find ourselves wanting to change and wanting to trust
but every fiber of our being just can't, this often happens
in therapy. You want to believe in the therapist and the process
but doubting thoughts are there; I pay this person they are
just saying what they think they should. Do they really have
my best interest in mind? These are all good topics for your
therapy session. |